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What Does Matlabi Mean?
The Hindi Word That Will Change How You See Relationships
Welcome back to Mangofries by Parves.
This week, I’ll tell you about matlabi, a hindi (Indian language) word that means selfish, but means much, much more. The opposite of matlabi is genuine selflessness, and I ruminate a bit about love and care while picking up my family from the airport. And lastly, change–is it even possible?
Let's dive in!
That friend who only texts when they need something? Hindi has a word for them.
Every language has words that hit differently—concepts so precise they make you realize, "Damn, I've felt this my whole life but never had a name for it."
Let me introduce you to: matlabi.
This Hindi term goes beyond the English "selfish." Selfish is cute compared to matlabi
A matlabi person cultivates relationships purely for strategic gain. They're playing chess while you think you're just hanging out.
The Matlabi Detection
Ok, now you’re intrigued. “Do I have any matlabi friends?, ” you ask yourself.
Let’s see. Here’s how to spot them in the wild:
When you need something that:
Doesn't benefit them
Requires minimal effort but some sacrifice
Won't advance their agenda
...they ghost you like a flame snuffed in a hurricane.
Think about it. We've all experienced this:
That connection who's suddenly your "best friend" when job hunting
The colleague with the annoying fake smile who only appears when they need help
The acquaintance with perfect timing: reaching out exactly when they need something
Your gut recognized these patterns before your brain did. It told you "something's off here," and it wasn't paranoia—it was pattern recognition.
It's Not Just Hindi
What's fascinating is how universal this concept is:
Portuguese: interesseiro (someone who only appears when interested in gaining something)
German: Schmarotzer (a person who takes without giving)
Arabic: انتهازي intihaazi (opportunist with negative connotations)
The pattern is everywhere. But in Dubai, where I live, this Hindi word cuts through the noise perfectly. I watched people being labeled "matlabi" with such precision that you have to wonder if people have an internal matlabi filter.
Answer: yes, they do.
The Matlabi Tax
I've paid the matlabi tax too many times:
Hours spent helping with résumés for people who disappeared after landing jobs
Energy invested in relationships that evaporated when my usefulness did
Time wasted on connections that turned out to be calculations, not relationships
You’re probably thinking: “Parves, you’re just being cynical.”
I’m not. I’ve learned the hard way. It's all about becoming efficient with your social energy.
The Four-Step Matlabi Test
After years of these encounters, here's my field guide:
Trust the pause When someone reaches out and your first reaction is "huh, that's unexpected," pay attention.
Watch response times Matlabi people respond instantly when they need something, then disappear when you do.
Notice conversation patterns If every exchange somehow circles back to their needs, that's data, not coincidence.
Apply the small favor test Ask for something minor that offers no strategic benefit to them. Their response tells you everything.
The Real Cost
Every matlabi relationship you maintain is taking space from genuine connections.
Think about it like your phone's home screen. Limited space. Would you keep an app that only works when IT needs something, but crashes when YOU need it?
So why do it with people?
Life's too short for transactional relationships disguised as authentic ones.
Build your circle with people who show up not for what they can get, but for who you are.
Because value flows through genuine connections—not calculated ones.
And your time deserves better investment strategies than matlabi returns.
Airport Love and Smiles
It’s fun and heartwarming to watch the Arrival section in an airport.
I went to pick up my wife and arrived 30 minutes early. I didn’t want to face the possibility of her arriving early, not seeing me, and giving me two earfuls about how I didn’t care for her. So I got to people-watch for a bit.
There’s a happy buzz around the section: people waiting for their loved ones, holding gifts and flowers, children running around waiting for their grandparents, parents waiting for their children, drivers with placards waiting for their boss, travel agents waiting for their customers, some shifting places every few minutes, some standing fixed in a spot, not moving, everyone showing their emotion in some form or the other, some stoic, some nervous energy, some unbounded happiness, some edgy, some pacing, but mostly everyone smiling and relaxed.
And the moment they meet their one, the edgy gets into action, picking up luggage from the passenger, the pacing becomes hugs, the smiles become laughter, some talk for a long time in the spot they meet—with the barrier in between them—forgetting that they can talk freely just 20 steps later, children dissolve into their arriving grandparents, and some have that awkward moment where they’re not sure what to do. Riveting.
If every interaction in the world were like this, imagine what a wonderful place it would be.
Change
You have permission to change. In fact, one would argue it’s necessary.
Look at your favourite brands:
Brad's Drink → Pepsi-Cola
Jerry and David's Guide to the World Wide Web → Yahoo!
Blue Ribbon Sports → Nike
Sound of Music → Best Buy
Burbn → Instagram
BackRub → Google (eww)
Tokyo Tsushin Kogyo → Sony
Computing-Tabulating-Recording Company → IBM
Unadulterated Food Products → Snapple
Wonder Jelly → Vaseline (I kind of like Wonder Jelly)
Puck-Man → Pac-Man (I wonder why)
Research In Motion → BlackBerry
Quantum Computer Services → America Online → AOL
AuctionWeb → eBay
Picaboo → Snapchat
Cassius Clay → Muhammad Ali
Stefani Germanotta → Lady Gaga
Malcolm Little → Malcolm X
Prince → The Artist Formerly Known As Prince
You → ?
Things change, brands change, people change.
So can you.
Till next time,
Parves
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